Before I begin my story, there are two things you should know about lions, in case you meet one face-to-face:
One, the flow of lion urine is positively counter-intuitive. Seriously. It shoots straight out the back. I'm talking male lions, not just Mrs. Lion.
Two, when it flows... it puts racehorses to shame.
Yesterday, my wife decided to take the girls to Peace Park, a large park very near to our home. Its a beautiful place. Green, with a man-made lake, a real WWII ammo bunker and lions. While the park itself is well-maintained, I cannot boast the same lot for the animals. They live in cages that resemble medieval jail-cells. Their food is little more than the banana-peels and stale bread that on-lookers toss through the bars. Peace Park is one of the last great bastions of anti-PETA. Despite the torrid conditions and the skinny lions, this scene garners hundreds of gawkers a day. Yesterday my family was among them.
Baby D had already had enough of the lion action and was wondering elsewhere. The two girls were still standing in a stare-down with the King of Beasts. After he'd had enough, he let out a lazy yawn, pirohuetted and let loose a stream of pee such as the world has never seen. The stream caught the two beauties right in the face. No body part was left unaffected. Hair, arms and legs. Unfortunately for the my two little ladies, they were standing with mouths agape at the time. They can now say with some authority, "Lion pee tastes nasty!" And even after a bath and brushing teeth and eating fruit and gum, the wild flavor lingered.
This is a story I will keep locked away until they begin dating.
Gross. Blaaaagh!
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Sorry dude. Next time give instructions before the girls go on a another Safari like adventure. I feel their pain. Give them hugs and kisses for me. I guess, if it were up to them, the lion will not be sleeping tonight. How does grill lion sound, girls?
Finally! Something worth blogging about. See, that's meaningful journalism. In fact, that's repulsive, and repulsive in a way that perhaps only you're two young'uns have ever managed to experience. "The only two humans ever to have been hosed by a lion while still alive"
And you were there for it.
That definitely is (hopefully) a once in a life time experience! We've had pets sprayed by skunks, but I think you have really topped all. I hope it doesn't linger for a week like skunk spray:)
Steph
Now when we say the word lion, Danen lifts his shirt and says, "psssss." (He does not know how to pull his pants down yet.)
i guess the whole "keeping-it-locked-away-until-they-begin-dating" thang started just after you painted the entire electronically-wired world with it. i mean, what dating? Pretty much nipped that in the bud.
It was a crazy scene. Deep down, I wish I would've been there...
You are probably right about ruining their chance for marriage. That, and the new "Dress Like a Mummy" modesty standard, and they should never have any boyfriends.
And good riddance. Men are pigs. i know that becasue i've watched them on t.v.
What a pisser.
Guess your kids can say, "That really pissed me off".
I'd be hoping they grow a moustache and manly hands to deflect any interest, but lion urine and tomato juice may be a momentary solution while you are running to the store for growth hormones.
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