Dear Readers,
The Big Red One has put up the firewall again.
Saturday, October 28, 2006
Saturday, October 14, 2006
The Lion Sleeps Tonight
Before I begin my story, there are two things you should know about lions, in case you meet one face-to-face:
One, the flow of lion urine is positively counter-intuitive. Seriously. It shoots straight out the back. I'm talking male lions, not just Mrs. Lion.
Two, when it flows... it puts racehorses to shame.
Yesterday, my wife decided to take the girls to Peace Park, a large park very near to our home. Its a beautiful place. Green, with a man-made lake, a real WWII ammo bunker and lions. While the park itself is well-maintained, I cannot boast the same lot for the animals. They live in cages that resemble medieval jail-cells. Their food is little more than the banana-peels and stale bread that on-lookers toss through the bars. Peace Park is one of the last great bastions of anti-PETA. Despite the torrid conditions and the skinny lions, this scene garners hundreds of gawkers a day. Yesterday my family was among them.
Baby D had already had enough of the lion action and was wondering elsewhere. The two girls were still standing in a stare-down with the King of Beasts. After he'd had enough, he let out a lazy yawn, pirohuetted and let loose a stream of pee such as the world has never seen. The stream caught the two beauties right in the face. No body part was left unaffected. Hair, arms and legs. Unfortunately for the my two little ladies, they were standing with mouths agape at the time. They can now say with some authority, "Lion pee tastes nasty!" And even after a bath and brushing teeth and eating fruit and gum, the wild flavor lingered.
This is a story I will keep locked away until they begin dating.
Gross. Blaaaagh!
One, the flow of lion urine is positively counter-intuitive. Seriously. It shoots straight out the back. I'm talking male lions, not just Mrs. Lion.
Two, when it flows... it puts racehorses to shame.
Yesterday, my wife decided to take the girls to Peace Park, a large park very near to our home. Its a beautiful place. Green, with a man-made lake, a real WWII ammo bunker and lions. While the park itself is well-maintained, I cannot boast the same lot for the animals. They live in cages that resemble medieval jail-cells. Their food is little more than the banana-peels and stale bread that on-lookers toss through the bars. Peace Park is one of the last great bastions of anti-PETA. Despite the torrid conditions and the skinny lions, this scene garners hundreds of gawkers a day. Yesterday my family was among them.
Baby D had already had enough of the lion action and was wondering elsewhere. The two girls were still standing in a stare-down with the King of Beasts. After he'd had enough, he let out a lazy yawn, pirohuetted and let loose a stream of pee such as the world has never seen. The stream caught the two beauties right in the face. No body part was left unaffected. Hair, arms and legs. Unfortunately for the my two little ladies, they were standing with mouths agape at the time. They can now say with some authority, "Lion pee tastes nasty!" And even after a bath and brushing teeth and eating fruit and gum, the wild flavor lingered.
This is a story I will keep locked away until they begin dating.
Gross. Blaaaagh!
Tuesday, October 03, 2006
Lawful
Cigarettes.
Cigars.
Wine.
Public School.
UFC.
Church Buildings.
Medicine.
Birth Control.
Professionals Gifts.
Radio Programs.
Beer.
Pulp Fiction.
Periodic Communion.
Television.
Movies.
Wealth.
Second Car.
Mission Agencies.
Instrumental Praise.
Friday Fellowship.
Secular Secondary Education.
Fundraising.
Working Mothers.
Cigars.
Wine.
Public School.
UFC.
Church Buildings.
Medicine.
Birth Control.
Professionals Gifts.
Radio Programs.
Beer.
Pulp Fiction.
Periodic Communion.
Television.
Movies.
Wealth.
Second Car.
Mission Agencies.
Instrumental Praise.
Friday Fellowship.
Secular Secondary Education.
Fundraising.
Working Mothers.
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